Someone I know had her husband die within the last few days. She and I aren’t particularly close. I would say we are acquaintances. I never met her husband. But he was in his mid-50’s and by all accounts in picture perfect health. He just keeled over and died and they aren’t sure why yet. He exercised and ate right and according to one person, was big into the whole holistic movement. (Whatever that means).
A co-worker who is in top physical form had a stroke right around Thanksgiving last year. He returned to work a week ago or so.
These things mess with my head, big time. The idea of Aneurysms terrifies me.
But all this makes me start wondering why I even bother eating what I think is good for me and exercising. These things especially hit me when I find out that no meat, no sugar, no fried foods, no caffeine, no sodas, reduced wheat still results in an elevated LDL level and a Vitamin D deficiency for me. I still believe my 40’s will be great, but being in my 40’s also means I’m not 22 anymore, as my sponsor keeps telling me!
Not being 22 means that my eyes are starting to slowly deteriorate, so that even moving into the light with some things still doesn’t guarantee I’ll be able to read them.
It means that a 7 mile walk may result in shin splints.
It means I can’t sit on the ground with my legs tucked under me after a period of time and expect to jump up and be on my merry way. I will get up rather quickly, but yes, there will be some moaning and groaning and the forward motion will come gradually.
It means that a simple, low impact Yoga class could render me completely unable to stand erect for 3 days.
It means more tests, more often. It means pills and eye drops and glasses that apparently need to be stronger than they were last year, when I first started wearing glasses.
It means that sitting at a computer typing for more than 10 minutes is going to cause a burning ache between my shoulder blades.
It means that 4 ½ hours of sleep isn’t going to make me tired yet functional
It means that losing more weight and further restricting the amount of food I eat and exercising may still result in keeling over at the age of 50 in the street.
It’s hard to reconcile that. And yes, I could live to be 95. I could be in the physical shape of an Olympic athlete and get hit by a car tomorrow. Or I could exercise and eat right and meditate and die in 12 years.
I want to say that I have come to the conclusion that I need to grab a hold of each day and live it as if it were my last because it truly could be. Typing those words helps, even if I don’t quite believe them. It also helps to type that lying face down in the food won’t help, because I don’t know that I believe that either right now.
Today I read Ask “What’s possible” not “What’s wrong”. Keep asking.
Maybe that’ll work…tomorrow. Yes, I’m thankful to be alive, yes I’m thankful for all that I have, including my health and yes, there are some things about my health that require my action and there are things about my health I am powerless over.
A co-worker who is in top physical form had a stroke right around Thanksgiving last year. He returned to work a week ago or so.
These things mess with my head, big time. The idea of Aneurysms terrifies me.
But all this makes me start wondering why I even bother eating what I think is good for me and exercising. These things especially hit me when I find out that no meat, no sugar, no fried foods, no caffeine, no sodas, reduced wheat still results in an elevated LDL level and a Vitamin D deficiency for me. I still believe my 40’s will be great, but being in my 40’s also means I’m not 22 anymore, as my sponsor keeps telling me!
Not being 22 means that my eyes are starting to slowly deteriorate, so that even moving into the light with some things still doesn’t guarantee I’ll be able to read them.
It means that a 7 mile walk may result in shin splints.
It means I can’t sit on the ground with my legs tucked under me after a period of time and expect to jump up and be on my merry way. I will get up rather quickly, but yes, there will be some moaning and groaning and the forward motion will come gradually.
It means that a simple, low impact Yoga class could render me completely unable to stand erect for 3 days.
It means more tests, more often. It means pills and eye drops and glasses that apparently need to be stronger than they were last year, when I first started wearing glasses.
It means that sitting at a computer typing for more than 10 minutes is going to cause a burning ache between my shoulder blades.
It means that 4 ½ hours of sleep isn’t going to make me tired yet functional
It means that losing more weight and further restricting the amount of food I eat and exercising may still result in keeling over at the age of 50 in the street.
It’s hard to reconcile that. And yes, I could live to be 95. I could be in the physical shape of an Olympic athlete and get hit by a car tomorrow. Or I could exercise and eat right and meditate and die in 12 years.
I want to say that I have come to the conclusion that I need to grab a hold of each day and live it as if it were my last because it truly could be. Typing those words helps, even if I don’t quite believe them. It also helps to type that lying face down in the food won’t help, because I don’t know that I believe that either right now.
Today I read Ask “What’s possible” not “What’s wrong”. Keep asking.
Maybe that’ll work…tomorrow. Yes, I’m thankful to be alive, yes I’m thankful for all that I have, including my health and yes, there are some things about my health that require my action and there are things about my health I am powerless over.
Sometimes, worrying actually feels like less work!
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