Better

I LOVE New Years. Love it, love it, love it. It's like something wonderful out there presents you with this gift. "Here are THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS just for you. If you make a mess on some, it's okay because THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE of anything is A LOT!"
Leap years? Almost a sexual experience!
But I am an addict and I don't look at things like normal people. Actually, I'm not sure I looked at things normally before I became an addict. (Before I became an addict...I think it was from the ages of birth through 7...I just remember "Billy Don't be a Hero" playing in the background...) So I'm about to get this fresh start, right? It's coming and I'm so excited about it that what I'm going to do is spend the last two months of the year I'm actually living in planning for the New Year. It starts with Resolutions and a list...I always have a list going. Now, how can I make this list become a reality? Well, I have to start obsessively planning how I'm going to accomplish (insert goal here) and then I will start reading everything I can find on this topic, buying whatever has been recommended, talking to people who HAVE actually done this and perhaps been successful. I am relentless in my pursuit of these goals. For two months, it is my reason for getting up in the morning and I go to sleep at night thinking about the next days tasks all in the name of getting this goal done because once this goal has been accomplished, my life will be PERFECT!!!
And what always happens it that after all this time and energy invested, by January 2, something has gone wrong with it, I get frustrated and it's over. Wasted time, wasted resources and all I have to show for it is...nothing.
I do this to a certain extent on a smaller scale as each Monday approaches or as the 1st of each month approaches, but New Years, that's my mecca. 2007? When January 1st was on a Monday?!?!? Well, I still get chills remembering that!
So a few days ago when I started thinking about the New Year, it was mostly in relation to being REALLY ready for 2009 to be over. But honestly, 2009 has not been all that bad. At some point, my sponsor pointed out, in the last 4-5 weeks, I've turned a corner. I'm calmer, I'm more centered, I am back in touch with The Universe (HP/God/What have you) and I'm really trying to take things as they come. I started thinking about all this when my diseased brain wanted me to "get with the program" and kick my prep work into high gear. I mean, for the love of God, it's only TWO WEEKS until the New Year and I haven't even started!!!!
So here is my prep work: I am throwing out into the Universe this idea...2010 will be better.
My house and my car will not be immaculate. My money will not ALWAYS be perfectly monitored and yes, I will probably encounter a late fee or two. I will not ALWAYS see eye to eye with everyone in my life. I will not ALWAYS be free of stress and worry. I will not ALWAYS be proactive at work, although I am super proud of myself for how far I've come with regards to my work ethic. I will not ALWAYS be exercising the way I feel I should.

I refuse to claim that I won't ALWAYS be abstinent because I have to be abstinent.

But I'm going to be better. Life will be better. Even the last four months, when so much has happened, divorce, dead dog, unemployed ex, dear friends sick, dear friends departed I really have felt a sense of calm and peace and serenity. It really has been okay. And so I'm going to focus my energy on making my actions fall in line, as much as they ever have, with this idea of better. I want to look at a situation and say "Is this The Universe's will and are my actions in line with that?" that will make it better.
In the spirit of this new outlook, I am thinking that I may even skip the traditional "Airing of the Grievances" next Wednesday when its Festivus. After all, that is "the most wonderful time of the year". I'm expecting them to update the song any day now.